Travelling on Bombay locals means…

…no matter how empty the train is, your feet will get stepped on an average of two times.

…when you decide to sit under a fan in a crowded train, about three people will stand around you, not only blocking out the fan, but also blocking all light, so forget about reading that book/paper.

…not only will they stand around and chat loudly over your head, but they will chew paan and tobacco and so fill the air with that stench.

…if you’re really unlucky, the juice dribbling down their mouth (or spraying all over when they guffaw at whatever joke) will fall on you.

…elbowing or being elbowed out of the way when trying to board a train on a good day.

…being yanked backwards by the collar/scruff of your neck and virtually ejected from the train on a bad day.

…the smelly old man sitting next to you will fall asleep on your shoulder.

…the same smelly old man will sit with his arms akimbo and poke you in the ribs.

…despite being asleep, the smelly old man’s arms will successfully resist attempts to push them away.

…never being able to talk on the phone since you use a crappy phone service that won’t work on the train.

…people will ask to read your morning newspaper before you’ve finished reading it.

…looking at advertisements for “Body Massages” (with “home service”) and wondering why they’d want to put that in a train since everyone gets a free all-over body massage standing in a crowded train anyway.

…if you’re sitting in an aisle seat, the guy standing in the aisle will decide to rest his butt on your shoulder.

…you’re thankful he doesn’t decide to rest his groin on your shoulder as others are wont to do.

…being late every now and then since there’s always some “rail roko” by “public-minded” groups protesting some inane cause.

…learning to forget you ever had personal space.

…this list will go on! 😀

7 replies on “Travelling on Bombay locals means…”

Some vendor, usually some kid, will try to sell you the Da Vinci Code, saying “novel hit hai”…..

A beggar kid will perform the most awful rendition of some Hindi movie song, and people will pay it money more to shut it up than out of any real pity.

If you are a girl, and you’ve recently invested in a new haircut, it will be mangled within 15 minutes of the train journey.

If you manage to get the window seat ever, on that day it will rain, and the window will not shut properly.

If you are stupid enough to wear ironed clothes, you will get what your stupidity deserves.

If your makeup survives the train ride, it will survive anything.

lol@ mitli… I can’t forget the days that I’ve heard Tum to thehre pardesi in the trains. Having said that, they did an almost perfect rendition of Altaf Raja! 😀

— It’s amazing how the travelling salesmen find place to move around in the fast locals, hands free, handing out samples to standees… “market mein sau rupiya, magar company ka discount ke baad, aapko sirf bees rupiye mein deta hoon!”

But nothing beats the ‘high’ you get when you catch a train with a nano-second to spare!

P.S. The ‘Massage Parlours with home service’ provide more than just a massage you know. 😉

@mitali: great, you should make your own list! 🙂 Recent I saw a hardback book sold for Rs. 20 that the vendor told me cost Rs. 1000 otherwise. Just the bargain almost made me want to buy it… :p It was some book by (or about) Ruth Prawer-Jhabwala.

@Irshad: Oh yes, the kids singing songs, although since I started travelling in 1st class, that’s not as much.

@Samu: This SO tempts me to ask a question…

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